So we decided to go on holiday, I NEEDED to get out of London for a week. It was right when we had the heatwave and I was sick of pretending the bath was a swimming pool. I needed the real thing.
So off we go, to the airport to get on Max’s first plane ride. THIS was easy, I had my mum next to me, Sam on the other side..a couple of Cava’s down me since we made a beeline to the bar at the airport..SUCCESS (say’s the responsible mother).
Insert cute pictures of us on holiday…
Can you tell we are first time parents?! Using an umbrella as shade for Max…and to say he liked the pool..would be a total lie…we got this picture but I can assure you on either side of this photo he was not impressed.Â
The flight back however, completely different story. Sam and I were not sitting next to each other as I refused to pay the additional fee to pre-book our seats. (ALWAYS PAY THE ADDITIONAL FEE LOU!!)
With anxiety in full force, I decided that I would put Max in the Baby Bjorn so I could help Sam with the bags. I am in LOVE with the Baby Bjorn, however, despite being ergonomically friendly, its like putting on a straight jacket. But whatevs, Sam and I successfully board the flight and I make my way to my seat, saying sweet goodbyes to Sam.
Then it suddenly hits me…as I am sat on the flight, I realise I need to get him OUT of the Baby Bjorn (straight jacket)…And as if my anxiety was felt by Max he starts to do that cute hungry scream…that pitch I spoke about before…you know, the one only dogs can hear? Well this is my baby, on a plane. The couple next to me clearly thinking why are we stuck next to this sweaty lady and her screaming baby…and me, that sweaty lady wondering how the hell I hold Max and get the straight jacket off. “I know!! I’ll just ask them to hold the baby”…Wait a minute…
YOU CAN’T do that…He’s not an ipad! – How odd to be like, “Umm excuse me…Can you hold my screaming baby?”
F*ck it, I can do this!! So basically being Houdini, with Max clinging on for dear life, I successfully get the Baby Bjorn off and plug the baby with the boob, get my seat belt on and relax…I’ve done it. I am a f*cking boss, and winning at this parenting thing! YES!
While secretly doing my winning at parenting dance, I can see the air steward, strutting over to me with a smile…I know exactly what is coming…”Excuse me miss, we have found a seat next to your husband…” Great…THANKS a BUNCH…Couldn’t have told me that like 5 minutes before…? So after all of that, and refraining from getting strangers to hold my baby, I have to take Max off the boob..mid suck..ouch..and wave him around (sweaty frantic lady back in the room) signalling to Sam to get his arse over here and help me…I have never seen someone run to the back of the plane so quickly..Clearly he is thinking “don’t anger her she is about to blow”…takes Max, and I calmly make my way to the front of the plane like nothing has happened. Pretty sure my face and hair style was telling a totally different story…Cue Sam saying “don’t worry love, I’ll get you a cava and pringles”. YES YOU WILL…back to being a total boss.
Overall, despite the absolute mess I had gotten myself in, and that cute flustered look I had…I did it, I didn’t ask a stranger to hold my baby…(So weird I even thought that was a possibility) and did it by myself. All good guys, if I can do it. So can you. Get on the flight, have a holiday and relax!!!