The Sh*tty Blog…



I mean come on…I wouldn’t be a REAL Mum Blogger if I didn’t have at least one post on my baby’s sh*t…or, in our case, lack there of…!

We have a lovely baby who doesn’t seem to poo very often…Happy and healthy, but just a little shy of the poopie monster. USUALLY this wouldn’t be a complaint, but you can tell a lot from a little man’s poop…so I do wish it was more frequent than it is..and it may just help with calming the CHAOS that is in our household when he does poo. It is utter mayhem. Sam and I seem to break down entirely in communicating how to handle the “shituation” (see what i did there?!)…We seem to go from these chilled out parents, to these frantic idiots running around with a naked baby with his butt absolutely caked in poo.

The other week, he pooped. “SAAAAAM” She says excitedly…”HE HAS POOPED!!!”, Sam runs over right as I begin to open this nappy. Then it hits us…the smell first, and then the sheer quantity that is sat in this nappy. It was just ridiculous and is literally EVERYWHERE (including up the back)..I have never seen anything quite like it…Cue the MAYHEM and Sam and I entering in the shitty panic mode. Sam picks him up and starts to run around (with a baby who is naked – sh*t everywhere) screaming “WE MUST PUT HIM IN THE BATH”, “HOW DO WE GET HIM OUT OF THIS BABY GROW”..I seem to be a mute (which is so unlike me), most likely stunned by the smell and just not having a clue what to do, or how to handle my husband who is calm 99% of the time…nothing seems to phase him, but this? Total nutter…

So there I am, following Sam around (who is still frantically running around trying to figure out what to do) me mumbling..”yeah uhh ok lets put him in the bath”. So we get him to the bath, place him there, smears of poo everywhere and we just stare at him. It then hits us that there is no water in said bath…i mean COME ON…How have we lost our composure this badly!?! We just stare at him, Max staring back at us with his stunned look most likely thinking “What the f*ck is going on!?! Someone DEAL with the shituation!

It is honestly like two idiots and a baby…

We eventually do clean our baby up, don’t worry, and it is usually with the baby wipes which we should have just used in the first place…but again, our experience is lacking due to his inability to face the poopie monster head on. On a slightly serious note, we have seen our health visitor and GP about the lack of poop but with exclusively breastfed babies, this can be quite normal. They can go up to 10 days with no poo! We usually get to day 5 when mayhem occurs.

So for all of our wonderful friends and family who think we are relatively calm parents, and work well as a team, I can firmly say that when it comes to the sh*t…we quite frankly haven’t got this nailed yet. Hopefully this is the last of my “Sh*tty blogs” but of course, I will keep you updated! (Say’s the mum who said she never would talk about her baby’s poo) *Insert roll eyes*.

The Milk Spot



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