The “Selfish” Mother

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My love for my Son know’s no bounds, but the minute I get that text from Sam saying “Here I come!!” And that key is in the door, mummy…for a little while…is OFF DUTY. (DISCLAIMER: I am fully aware that a recent blog post was on my 5 year old niece looking after my baby…rest assured I DO look after my baby)

I wait hovering at the door for him, excitedly knowing he will take Max and keep him entertained. He comes in with his arms braced knowing he is about to have some cuddles, so it’s a win win. To be clear, I have nothing at all important to go and do..but damn, it is nice to get some “me time” some time to be a little selfish and self indulgent.

For me, it has made me a better mum, a more relaxed mum knowing I have support and can be Lou for a little while and not just mummy. MORE importantly, I think Max enjoys having some time with just his daddy. He has just spent the day with his mum, sat there watching me blowing raspberries at him, dancing around like a fool or…OR..god forbid she has started to sing…I’m talking the singing when no one can hear you!? The singing you would do in the car, and WORST of all, the singing where you sorta mumble most of the lyrics but when it comes to the chorus you just OWN IT…Like a boss, unable to carry a single note through out. (Ugh I can’t believe I am outing my secret singing!)

I am not a Mum who needs to be around my baby 24/7. Once he has fed and he is having fun with dad, I am off, I don’t go very far, maybe just to the gym…or to get my nails done (because knowing your nails are done, definitely means you got your sh*t together right!?)…or just sit aimlessly looking at the world via my phone. I am totally happy to say, I like to leave my baby every so often.

During the evenings, and the weekend mornings, Sam has his quality time with Max…(Mama’s gotta sleep at some point!!?) He will get up with Max and keep him entertained…He will take him for a walk, put him down for bed and change him. He is a good dad! And surely that shouldn’t surprise us…!? That the person we decided to have children with can actually parent!? Funny that!

I don’t feel guilty. I feel great knowing the boys are spending quality time together. I feel great to have a little bit of independence from my barnacle boy.

I know there are a lot of mums who don’t like this, or you read an article on mum’s who have never left their babies for more than 6 minutes (WHO times it!?! “Hold on a minute, let me set that stopwatch before I go to the bog!”) I pass no judgement – ok, a little on timing the length you are away, especially if we are talking minutes – But if their choice is not to leave their babies, then that is great! But I do not hide the fact I like to have the downtime. I like to sleep…I like to do something for myself, I like to go out on dates, when the grandparents are around and willing to watch him.

Most importantly, I am not hard on myself…I am not hard on myself with any decisions when it comes to Max. If it feels right, then it probably is.

If you have the opportunity, give the dad’s a chance…They may just surprise you! And instead of hovering over them wondering if they will drop the baby, or put the nappy on too tight, or thinking “you aren’t holding them right” perhaps let them figure it out. Just the same way you had to. (ps. I have thought every single one of those thoughts, just hovering over him like a mad woman! I think this was the moment I realised I needed to get out the house).

If that makes me a selfish mother, I’ll own it 😉 I am okay with that…And I don’t feel bad that I think selfishly about myself sometimes.

I mean check them out…!? Dad’s are parents too…Don’t forget it!

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The Milk Spot


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