For the next two weeks I am in the lovely Spain. In the sunshine and attempting to sunbathe and swim while my baby sleeps (well grandparents are here, so lets be honest I am attempting to do the above when he is awake also).
My mum bod is fully on show. My Mum tum in particular. But I embrace it all. I am happy with my body and I am happy with the copious amounts of Mars bar ice creams I eat..and I am in no rush to snap back to my pre-pregnancy body.
Saying this, I kept hearing this term “Tiger stripes” and how you are a powerful tiger that has earned her stripes….If you believe in this term then that is wonderful, but for me? My thoughts? F*CK TIGER STRIPES.
I knew my body would change, but was I excited about graduating into a tiger with marks on my body? Um no. I was absolutely dreading it and I was damn sure I would do anything possible to avoid getting them.
I recommend Bio Oil. I think everyone recommends this, so no news here. But what I can share is a couple of “what not to do’s” with Bio Oil and how to use it appropriately.
Use it calmly. Don’t rush around trying to spread this oil everywhere. Don’t walk around the flat trying to apply copious amounts of oil. All this does is turn our flat into a slip’n’slide. Absolutely lethal. Take your time, keep it to one room. And for the love of god, wash your hands afterwards. Such a simple little trick and avoids everything you touch for the next day turning into bar of wet soap.
Now…Listen carefully. This is highly advised on the list of what not to do. I am actually shocked it isn’t on the bottle as a warning. DON’T put that stuff into a bath.Â Holy sh*t I really cannotÂ emphasiseÂ this enough. While lying in the bath one day, I saw the bio oil. In my hazedÂ but very predictable “Lou” way of tackling life, I reached over for it and unloaded the entire contents into my bubble bath.Â (You can surely see where this is going).Â
It was like an octopus trying to learn of to skate. I just couldn’t get a grip. I was quite literally stuck. I was f*cked.
“SAAAAAAM! I need your help!” (Quite normal for him as he was used to crane lifting me in and out of the bath due to my “gigantron” baby growing inside me). “Shit Lou what the hell have you put in here?!” Sam is saying struggling to get a good grip on me….me flailing around like said Octopus – and in full blown panic I respond, mildly aggressively “I put in Bio Oil didn’t I?” – I advise being a little nicer to the person trying to get you out of this death trap. After sliding around, stopping for a rest (both of us exhausted on trying to haul out the whale that was Lou) we finally got me out.
So don’t do that.
After the mess and battle I had with this Bio Oil, I still did get a couple of stretch marks. I cried when I got them. And I felt guilty for crying as I thought maybe I wasn’tÂ embracing my motherly body like I should be. Was I less of anÂ earth mother for not wanting to accept my stretch marks? yes, maybe so – but who cares!? I still loved my bump, I just had a side project of googling the shit out of laser treatments!
I write this post as I get a lot of questions on whether I got stretch marks…whether I have learned to love them…and the answer is yes, I did, and no I haven’t. I anxiously look and wait for them to get less red, but this is my body now, and I am OK with that and in no rush to snap back. But it’s ok not to love every change. We may not all be tigers, but we are bada*s mothers.